In Letters Between a Catholic and an Evangelical (Harvest House Publishers, 2003), James McCarthy, the Evangelical, suggests that the Catholic Church treats its followers like children (though I can't provide the page number). I would agree to a certain extent, having experienced that myself.

Before having a Catholic wedding, the Church requires participation in a sort of seminar, as well as instruction in "natural family planning" (known to some as "Catholic birth control").

The seminar consists of four meetings, or one, weekend-long marathon session. Kinga and I chose the latter. Of course it turned out to be the first beautiful weekend in weeks and we spent most of the weekend inside, but what can you do?

Some of the seminar was genuinely helpful — conflict resolution, appreciating differences, and so on. But much to my dismay, there was a complete repetition of the natural family planning information. We'd heard it once in a different meeting; now it was time to hear it again. This time, however, there was an attempt at justifying it.

Van Gogh and The Pill

The talk began with an attempt at justifying it logically (and of course theologically, and even though "logical" is in the word "theological," it often isn't). The presenter hung up a poster of Van Gogh's Sunflowers and asked us to imagine we'd painted it. In comes a friend who rips the painting and she had us brainstorm what we would feel toward that friend: anger, surprise, hatred, desire for revenge, etc. were the words that came to people's minds. She then pointed out that we weren't physically harmed by our "friend's" action, but that our creation was.

"Ah," I began thinking, "That's how they're going to try to justify the Church's position on birth control."

And sure enough, she pointed out that we're God's creation, and that according to the Genesis account (which apparently we're to interpret literally), we were created with four critical aspects/commands. One of them was our fertility and the command "be fruitful." So the reasoning went, that when we're tampering with our fertility, we're tampering with God's creation, and so on and so on.

She then went on to frame it as a question of faith, and I believe that was a great mistake.

"Checkmate," I thought.

If it's a question of faith in God's almighty power, then going to the doctor is just as much a questioning of that faith as using birth control. It's one and the same. Catholics pray to God for healing — and then use medicine. If it's an act of anti-faith (for lack of a better term) to use birth control, it's just as much to use medicine.

Another one of the critical aspects of the Genesis account that they brought out was the dominion over creation that God supposedly gave Adam and Eve. So we're supposed to panować ("master" or "subdue") all of creation except our fertility.

The church's position is an antiquated position based on a time when infant mortality was much higher than now, and global overpopulation was an unthinkable concept. "Be fruitful" makes a lot of sense when perhaps half of the children you bring into the world live to be adults. In today's society, it just makes no sense whatsoever. So the church is left scrambling to explain a first century (and earlier) tradition in a twenty-first century reality.

The presenter also explained that the Church's position was not a question of the church wanting to have as many Catholics as possible — having babies for the church, in other words. And yet, just the day before, the priest said just that. That children were a blessing, and that by having many of them (he suggested three!) we would help our "fatherland" and the church.

The Power of a Certificate

The whole weekend wasn't a waste. There were some interesting moments, but it could have been done in an afternoon as opposed to two full days. And the fact that it was required was ridiculous. Of course those conducting it had nothing to do with that, as they pointed out at the beginning when they said that no one would be excuse for any reason, that we had to sit there throughout the whole thing. And then actually said bottom line themselves: "Ci których mają swiadecwy mają władca." (Or something like that. I'm sure I've got tons of mistakes just in one sentence.)

"Those who have the certificates have the power."

It was meant as a joke, but I didn't find it terribly amusing.

Now that our souls were ready, it was time to make a little something for our bellies.